10 Things To Do In 2012
As you already know 2012 is going to be a big year for the UK and the rest of the world: Along with the London Olympics and the apocalypse there is Justin Beibers 12th birthday. In light of this we thought we would give you a list of things to make you feel pretty epic this 2012:
Break a world record
We have chosen this one first because it may take some planning. We recommend doing something ridiculous because you’ll have less chance of being beaten by someone who actually cares about winning. For example ‘longest ear hair’ or ‘Most tattooed women’ (see also: 5).
Train an Animal
This could possibly be the most challenging of all the things to do in 2012 but at least there are a couple of options. To make things easier you can choose to train a capybara to stay still (that’s all they ever do anyway) or a budgie to sing. If you are looking for more of a challenge then try one of these: train a cat to play dead, train a rabbit to tell the time or a pigeon not to shit on you.
Organise an epic holiday
We’ve all seen the inbetweeners movie and now that we know how not to do it, we can go about planning. A few things you’ll need to know: Steer clear of Benidorm… That’s about it.
Pay off your overdraft
Quick fixes include selling your semen or filling in online surveys. You can also sell that capybara you brought whilst trying to complete task two.
Get a Tattoo
Remember this is something for life, so don’t get your boyfriend of 3 weeks name on your forehead or Chewbacca on your left bicep. Subtle and meaningful is good for a first tat, unless you’re a chav, then we don’t care.
Visit a nudist beach
Everyone had a friend whose parents were nudists so we’ve all witnessed the stigma attached to being one… No? Ok well everyone loves naked people. Just stay away from the saggy end of the beach!
Play in a rock concert
The success of this task can be measured in these simple ways. 1. How many people you played to. 2. What band you tricked into letting you play. 3. How long you stay on stage before you got a rib crushing tackle from security.
Streak at the Olympics
This one is quite simple, if you need instructions on how to take your clothes off, you shouldn’t be doing it!
Become a rapper (preferably world famous)
Test your skills at a local rap battle or stand outside MTV with a boom box and a page of rhymes… Your choice.
Star in a reality TV series
We use the term ‘star’ loosely here because we all know reality TV has nothing to do with actual reality. Don’t let this dampen your determination, get a spray tan, a dodgy local accent and a vajazzle, not to be confused with Vagasil.